I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
