So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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