it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
