That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
