she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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