I can text with my tongue
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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