I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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