Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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