I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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