I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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