you're like a bully in the Christmas story
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
