The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
