Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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