Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
