# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You're like the curious george of whores
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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