You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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