just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
