I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
