Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
