id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
