Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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