You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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