Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
