I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
