Little spoons don't ask big questions
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
