this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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