He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
