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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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