Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
