Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
