I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
