i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
