My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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