I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just high enough for therapy.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
