Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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