I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
