Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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