I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
no you cant smoke seaweed
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
