Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
