More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
