Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
We need to rekindle our bromance
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
