Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Enjoy the penises
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
