By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
