she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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