so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
