I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
