I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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