Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
this hospital has no fireball
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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