And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
