I think my vagina is haunted
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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