he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Your shirt... Was in my pants
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
